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I am an evil person

Posted on 2009.11.07 at 19:35
Current Location: Texas
Current Mood: crappycrappy
Tags:
I think I'm an evil person.

This woman I can't stand at work.  She's PG.  When our boss told everyone that's the reason she was out, I wanted to gag.  I should not think this way.  I can't believe this malice of my own heart.  I think I feel more sorry for the kid because she is some kind of mental case.  I'm serious.  She is a mental case.  We all thought she was out of the office because she literally had a mental breakdown.  Imagine my surprise.  I didn't even say, "Oh happy joy!"  I'm evil.

It seems that lately I've been feeling the malice in my heart when it comes to people finding out their PG.  I suppose it's because I know, in my own evil heart, I will never be PG.  I'm 33.  Time passes by fast.  I don't want to do a sperm donor thing because I don't want to a child to not have a father.  I thought of adoption, but again, raising a child on my own without a father is not what I want for him or her. 

It's jealousy, envy, greed all rolled into one.  Lissa says I'm not evil.  I am. 

I am:
lazy
greedy
jealous
envious
cowardly
afraid
fearful
anxious
annoying
arrogant
insolent
grouchy
lonely
cold-hearted
pessimistic
pompous
snobby
surly
onry
weak
worried
slovenly
tense
pissed
evil

LORI

Lackadaisical
Obnoxious
Rude
Impolite

Comments:


twibooklover at 2009-11-08 02:01 (UTC) (Link)

u forgot delusional!

Everyone has feelings like that...we all want things we dont have....for instance I would very much like to find a nice man, settle down and have kids...i will be 35 in February and those things just dont happen to be in the cards for me at this time.

A psycho-crazy-stalker-bitch of ex-co-worker of mine just sent me pictures of her new baby with her new husband and all i could think was "i blocked your ass under your own name so you log in under your husbands name and hunt me down....and youve spawned gain...those poor children...i hope they are nothing like your crazy stalkerish self."...so I completely get what you are feeling.
StewPatty
stewpatty at 2009-11-08 02:02 (UTC) (Link)

Re: u forgot delusional!

I like that... "You've spawned..."

She did spawn!
Lara
burningbright09 at 2009-11-12 06:48 (UTC) (Link)
Sorry, I wanted to respond a few days ago, but you know my family situation. All of the words you used to describe yourself describe me as well--ten times over. I am the worst person ever. You know what I was thinking about the whole time at my grandmother's funeral? What's going to be the food situation at my aunt and uncle's house, and how do I avoid it?

Then I spent a lot of time going over how to get out of dinner. I completely used the, "I'm upset, I don't feel like eating," thing to my advantage. Really milked it. Even the last time I saw my grandmother back in the fall, I spent the whole time worried my mom would notice I was spitting out every bite of my lunch. I also spent the last few days thinking about different ways to murder my father (I considered poisoning and stabbing him in the chest with a butcher knife 500 times). So, trust me, no one could be worse than me.

That said, I can't stand babies and I've never pretended to like them. However, I can certainly understand what you're feeling. I'm 31, so the clock is ticking for me as well, right? But it's not really that important to me. Plus, I would never want to be pregnant. Ever. If I did have kids, I'd adopt. Honestly, I see myself adopting sooner than I see anyone ever asking me to marry them.

Sorry, that probably didn't help you at all.
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